Remember Ann Sextons "Suicides are Carpenters, they never ask: Why Build?" Which I always thought was pretty and vividly accurate--suicide feels like a black psychic glacier where the darkness losses its grip on the earth and cascades down into the soul burying all purpose, all hope, all reason. I was in this state off and on for years and years, just assuming somehow everything always turns out for the best--not because I was hopeful, but more because I just couldn't think of any alternative--even when its pretty obvious the world is about as fair and objective as balls loaded with Viagra.

Yesterday at the Walgreens, people were acting very self conscious and some were wearing masks, everyone was obeying the social distancing tape on the floor and staying at least 6 feet away from each other in line, and most of the food was not yet stripped from the shelves. All the frozen crap I'm eating is probably putting enough salt in me to stock the ocean, so I ordered from a grocery delivery service--actually two grocery delivery services--and the stuff has been back ordered for days as they try and find a delivery window so I can get restocked. I usually never have a problem of course; the streets are empty yet or even nearly so, but I am assuming the majority of the people at this point are probably staying home, or at least severely curtailing episodes getting out just for the sake of getting out. I'm not sure if the park I use is off limits yet or not.

From what I can tell, most people seem to be expecially suited for this epidemic to resolves itself just a little more slowly than a typical sitcom resolves--doubtful that will happen. Our relatively slow response has not hastened an easy truce--timing is everything in infection control, one thing I learned working in hospitals trying to control outbreaks by gown and glove and handwashing. You have to start early or the conflagration is difficult to control. Part of every crisis is always how well you prepare; part of every crisis is how well you react to the fact that you havent prepared. History as always will be the final judge, and I guess in a free country, suicide by neglect is just as viable as death from above, if maybe even more tragic.